


Tough Questions

by quiet__tiger



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Humor, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-23
Updated: 2017-04-23
Packaged: 2018-10-23 05:23:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10713081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quiet__tiger/pseuds/quiet__tiger
Summary: Tim has some questions Dick can't really answer.





	Tough Questions

**Author's Note:**

> This is a young Tim.
> 
> Prompt: "Enigma."
> 
> Originally posted to Livejournal 19th-Nov-2008.

Dick parked his bike in its place in the Batcave, then hopped off and took off his helmet. He knew Bruce was still on patrol, so that must be Tim watching the monitors. Bruce took up a lot more space, too. It had been an easy patrol; Tim had probably been sent home early, but had come back here instead.

Sauntering over to pester his little brother, Dick came up short a few feet from the chair in front of the console. Two figures on the central screen were engaged in a fierce lip-lock. “What are you watching, Skinemax? Bruce probably never figured _you_ for watching that kind of stuff on his TVs.”

“It’s Batman and Catwoman on top of the museum.”

Dick looked closer, and Tim zoomed the camera out a little. That camera network was either the greatest innovation they all invested themselves in, or the worst. The figures on the screen were definitely Bruce and Selina, Dick could see that now.

And there was no mistaking Catwoman’s costume.

“Nothing else on TV?”

“I’m just trying to figure them out.”

Dick hopped up on the console. Tim glanced at him, then went back to the screen. Dick twisted to look back at the screen, and could only count three hands visible. He quickly turned back around. “What do you mean?”

“Well. Selina’s traditionally been an enemy, right?”

Dick kind of nodded and shrugged at the same time. “She usually just does burglary, she doesn’t hurt anybody. She’s a pain, but she’s not too bad.”

“But she’s still a _villain_.”

“Sometimes.”

“So why is Bruce macking on her?”

“Well... He’s. Um. She likes him.”

“Wow, really?”

“Brat. I can’t explain it. They’ve been doing this for years.”

“They came onto the roof fighting—she must have tried to steal something. Then she kicked him a bunch of times, and he flipped her over, and then all of a sudden they were making out.”

“She’s one of the few women that knows his true identity, so he feels freedom with her. And he knows who she is. So they balance each other out.”

“If I tried to make out with a bad guy—err, girl—Bruce would be really angry. And if I brought up Selina he’d probably just clam up and stalk out of the room. But why? It’s the same thing.”

“I don’t know, kiddo. It’s like they want to actually be something for each other, but you know Bruce and his mission. He won’t allow himself anything resembling marital bliss. Or even a normal relationship. And there’s no reason she should stand for that, you know how hot she is. Smart, too.”

“So why does she steal?”

Dick shrugged again. “She likes it. And she’s pretty good at it. When she does it on nights we’re busy elsewhere, she often gets away with it.”

“But why does she like _Batman_?”

“Because she’s a _freak_? I don’t know. He’s handsome, I guess, and he’s smart, strong, rich... And maybe he shows her a side of himself he doesn’t show us.”

“...Thank God for that.”

Dick grimaced. “Watching all this softcore porn has made you a pervert.”

“Nah. I’ve always been that way.” Yeah, right. Tim watched for another minute, and Dick turned to see what was happening. Bruce and Selina were fighting again. She’d even gotten out the whip and was trying to tie him up.

And dammit, he looked like he was enjoying it.

“You know, Tim, I don’t get it either. If she joined our side completely, maybe I would, but I don’t see her doing that. And I don’t see Bruce lightening up about much of anything. He’s probably just as likely to haul her into the police station as kiss her.” He hopped down off the console. “I wouldn’t try to think about it too much. Aside from the nightmare factor of Bruce getting, uh, intimate with a woman, I just don’t think we’re going to understand it. We know they like each other, but they can’t be together, but that just makes them want each other more while they fight harder against it.”

“I guess.”

“Come on. I’m going to change, and then I can drive you home.”

“Okay. Thanks anyway. I didn’t think you’d really know, but I thought I’d ask.”

“Ask anything you want whenever. I’m here to help where I can.”

“Can you explain Superman and Lois?”

“...You’ve got to give me something easier. I’m feeling pretty useless right now.”

“Aren’t big brothers supposed to be fonts of information about girls and relationships?”

“That’s for when _you_ get involved with one. And when you do, make it someone who isn’t our enemy or crushing on your alter ego, okay?”

“I’ll try, but I can’t make any promises. Robin is a sex object after all.” Tim smirked at him.

Dick pulled him into a headlock and noogied him. “And you don’t even have the spanky pants.”

“Talk about enigmas...”

Dick noogied harder. He loved his little brother, impossible questions and all.


End file.
